This is a compilation of some of the best quotes from the past year.
I told a second grader that I was dressed as Taylor Swift for halloween and she said:
“Oh, I thought you were a vampire. Because you have vampire teeth.”
Me: “Um, no, these are my normal teeth..”
I made the mistake of winning a game of tic-tac-toe against a first grader.
Me: Look at that, I won!
1st grader: Okay, let’s play again, but this time we’ll each do 3 turns at a time.
Me: Let me guess; you’ll go first.
Me: That’s a really nice shirt, buddy. I like it.
1st grader: You mean it’s a nice outfit. These are new pants.
1st grader: Everyone was worried because the baby ate an ant.
Me: Was he okay?
1st grader: No! The ant wasn’t okay! He ATE him.
Me: I meant the baby.
1st grader: Oh, yeah, he was fine.
2nd grader: My aunt had a baby that was born with a mustache. They took pictures of him and you could see the mustache in all of them.
Me: Do you need help with your backpack?
1st Grader: Yes! Do it for me!
1st Grader: Ma’am!
Me: I was going for “please,” but that works too.
3rd Grader (referring to a black and white picture of a log cabin): This picture looks like it’s from, like, 1987.
Me: Um, I’d say it’s a bit older than that.
3rd Grader: So, 1986?
3rd Grader: I got a cat named Lefteye.
3rd Grader: Yeah, it’s a girl cat. It’s blind in its right eye, but it can still see with the left one.
Me: So you called it Left Eye. Makes sense.
Kindergartener: Miss Larter, do you have any kids?
Me: No, I don’t have any kids.
Kindergartener: Did you just have a baby?
Me: Uh, no I didn’t.
Kindergartener: I wish I could come over to your house and see your new baby. But I can’t because you don’t have one.
Me: This is the word “too.”
Kindergartener: That’s not to. To is spelled t-o.
Me: This is just a different way to spell it. To can be spelled t-o, t-o-o, or even t-w-o.
Kindergartener: That sounds crazy.
Me: I know, it is a bit crazy.
1st grader: Miss Larter, have you ever seen Shark Boy and Llama Girl?
Me: Llama Girl? I think maybe you mean “Lava Girl?”
1st grader: Oh, yeah, Lava Girl. I always say Llama Girl.
Me: Your version sounds much cooler.
Me: The next vocab word is “emerald.” Have you ever seen The Wizard of Oz?
3rd grader: Yeah, I’ve seen it.
Me: What color is the Emerald City?
3rd grader: Black. No, brown.
3rd grader #2: Wasn’t it yellow?
3rd grader #3: I think it was brown.
Me: Okay, it was green. Remember? All the green buildings? Because emerald means green.
3rd grader: Oh, yeah! It was green! What was the word again?
Me: I’m haven’t decided who to dress up as for “dress up as a historical woman” day tomorrow. Who do you think I should be?
2nd grader: Rihanna.
Me: I’m not sure if she’s exactly historical.
2nd grader: Well, I’m being Beyonce.
Me: So what do you think the moral of Tikki Tikki Tembo is?
1st grader: Don’t play around and be stupid on top of a well!
Me: …Yep. That’s it.
Kindergartener: What’s this big state up here?
Me: That’s actually a country called Canada. Do you know anyone who’s from Canada?
Kindergartener: Oh, yeah, my aunt is from Canada. And she can almost talk like us.
Me: Good for her.
Kindergartener: Miss Larter, your hair is so curly today. Is that your real hair?
Me: Uh, yep, it’s real.
Kindergartener: Because it looks like a weave.
Me: Nope, it’s just my regular hair.
Kindergartener: Oh. So is that why it’s attached to your head?
Me: “..and Snow White was the fairest one of all.” Do you know what that means?
Kindergartener: Yeah. It means she was cuter than the queen.
2nd Grader on hearing country music: Miss Larter, is this music from the farm?
Kindergartener: What’s your name?
Me: I’m Miss Beth.
Kindergartener: You look like the girl that played the letter game with me yesterday.
Me: That was me!
Kindergartener: But you don’t have glasses.
Me: Hold on, I’ll put my glasses back on. Now do you recognize me?
Kindergartener: You are that girl!
Me: So the boy in the story went fishing and caught a bass. Do you know what a bass is?
1st grader: Yeah, people get in it.
1st grader: People get on it.
Me: ….do you mean a bus?
1st grader: Oh, yeah.
Me: In the story it said they had to stay away from the cow’s hoofs. What do you think the cow’s hoofs are?
1st grader: Its eggs!
Me: Do cows lay eggs?
1st grader: Yes. They lay eggs and that’s how you get the milk.
Me: Oh boy.
Me: This word is “hollow.” Do you guys know that word?
1st grader: I do! It’s like when you are walking and you see someone and you say “hollow!”
Me: So you have seven crayons here. If I take 5 of them, how many do you have left?
1st grader: Stop taking all my crayons!
3rd grader: Miss Larter, how old are you?
Me: Well, how about this. I’ll tell you what year I was born and see if you can figure it out. I was born in 1990.
3rd grader: 1990? No. If you were born in the nineteen somethings you would be dead right now. You were NOT born in 1990.
This is a picture that a kindergartener drew. It’s me and God.